The Crosses We Bear
by litlcapt
Summary: Finally the war stories send Wash over the edge but when his story finally comes to light the shock and pain is evident.


Warning: Heavy imagery of torture and violence.

Spoilers: War Stories, The Message, vague ones for the series

The Crosses We Bear

Two weeks had passed since Serenity landed on St. Albans to drop Tracey's body off to his parents, attending the funeral of the young war veteran. Things had gone back to normal on Serenity and most of the crew had gone back to their everyday lives like nothing ever happened. Wash, however, had been living like there was a black cloud over his head since they took off from St. Albans. For the past two weeks he had distanced himself from the rest of the crew, spending most of his time up on the bridge except for chow.

His personality had also changed since Tracey. He had been unusually quiet and the other day snapped at Kaylee for not being fast enough with a repair. It had stunned the crew when he yelled at the young mechanic. It wasn't like him, they were very concerned as to why their normally kind, gentle pilot had turned so cold.

Now late at night when the rest of the crew were asleep in their bunks Wash sat on the bridge. He sat there quietly in his chair his eyes closed and his breathing even with sleep. It was the first real sleep he had been able to get in the past week and he regretted that he seemed to only be able to find sleep on the bridge. The only sound heard was the gentle hum of Serenity's engines and Wash's soft breathing. He dreamed but not of dinosaurs or his wife.

Wash woke with a start his eyes darting nervously around the cockpit. Taking a deep breath he balanced himself and starting gazing out at the stars. He often got lost in thought when looking at the stars. He thought about his lousy home, about Zoë, finding Serenity, about River, but most of all about his life on Serenity but tonight was different. His mind was a blank slate, he was as empty as the Black outside.

"Wash?" his wife said sleepily as she walked on the bridge.

"Hey Zo," Wash greeted her taking in her rumpled appearance. She wore sleep pants and an old shirt, her hair wild from sleep.

"It's 0300 why aren't you in bed Husband," Zoë said.

"I was flying," Wash said simply.

"Yeah, Serenity has an autopilot husband, is there somethin' wrong?" Zoë asked.

"No just got lost in the stars," Wash replied.

"You fell asleep again didn't you," Zoë said.

"No, like I said before wife I was flyin','" Wash said frustration creeping in his voice.

Wash turned his chair to face his wife then turned back to the stars. Zoë looked at him worriedly knowing that this was the fourth time Wash had fallen asleep on the bridge in the last few days. Shepherd Book informed her today that he had found Wash asleep in the mess a couple days before. Something was wrong with Wash but she didn't concern herself with the matter now. Now all she wanted to do was take her husband back to their bunk and go back to sleep.

"Come on Wash let's go to bed," Zoë said grabbing Wash lightly on the arm and pulling him from his chair.

"But…," Wash began to protest but was cut off by Zoë.

"It'll be fine," Zoë said as she led him out of the bridge shutting off the light on the way out.

Once they got back to their bunk Wash unzipped and pulled off his jumpsuit while Zoë got back into bed. Once undressed he lay down on the bed still dressed in his boxers and wife-beater. Zoë fell asleep almost immediately after laying down but sleep didn't come so easily for Wash. Unknown to his wife he sat awake staring at the ceiling until his eyelids slipped closed, falling into another restless sleep.

The next morning Wash and Zoë woke up to the mundane morning routine on Serenity. He walked up to the bridge, checked the instruments, then sat down in his chair. He shuttered when last nights horrid dream played back in his mind. It wasn't so much a dream but memories, memories of Niska…of everything. He always thought he would go insane by the end of his term on this ship. It's expected when one has been shot, torture, hit in the head, encountered Reaver's, even escaped certain death a few times.

This time was different though, something deeper was nagging at his soul. Checking one last time he got up and walked towards the mess. He wasn't very hungry but he had to eat to appease his wife. Wash knew that everyone was starting to worry about him but truth be told he didn't care. All he wanted to do was be alone and if the crew couldn't honor that request they really couldn't blame him for being angry.

He walked into the mess as the room erupted in laughter. Mal, Zoë, and Book sat at the table regaling past stories of their life. Little did Wash know that the stories being shared were once again war stories his wife and Mal had in common.

"So the man kept yelling that he was crazy?" Book asked in between laughs.

"Yeah, went screaming so loud the 'Lliance probably heard him. Kept telling him to shut up. He looked at me and asked if he had died and gone to heaven," Mal continued.

"What did he say again?" Zoë asked as she desperately tried to breathe.

"He said he was in hell, remember," Mal answered and the table broke out into infectious laughter again.

"Then had this man once, moon of Verbena. Turned 'round and told me Zoë was an Alliance coming to kill us all," Mal added.

"Oh yeah thought I was a spy 'cause I yelled at him earlier that day," Zoë said.

"Yeah asked him why he thought crazy like that and he said Zoë was scary. Told 'em that there's nothin' to worry about just don' get on her bad side. Never disobeyed an order again," Mal told them.

"We called it trench dementia. Worse than goin' crazy," Zoë informed them.

Trying to ignore them as much as possible Wash scooped protein out of the pot into his bowl and made his way to the table. He sat down away from the rest and ate. Zoë laid a hand on his shoulder while Mal greeted him which he chose to ignore as well. All he wanted to do was go back to work.

"I think one of the best moments was when we finally got air support," Zoë began to describe.

"Was that at Beaumont?" Mal asked.

"Yeah, we were pinned down remember. Finally air support arrived and that crazy fool ran out of the trench shoutin' 'sky's falling the sky's falling,'" Zoë said before they broke out into laughter again.

He had enough. Throwing his spoon in the bowl and pushing it hard across the table, nearly knocking it to the floor, Wash got up and stormed out of the galley. "Wash," Mal and Zoë said simultaneously. They watched the pilot leave the mess in a considerable amount of distress. Book was left puzzled with Wash's peculiar behavior but after a moment it finally hit him. The reason why Serenity's pilot had been walking around with an ominous black cloud over his head.

He found him on the bridge staring blankly out into the Black, an expressionless mask on his face. He was lost that much Book knew there was something in those expressionless eyes he recognized.

"Wash," Book walked slowly towards the pilot.

"I'm busy Shepherd," Wash said almost mechanically.

Ignoring Wash's comment Book continued to walk up to the disgruntled pilot until he stood next to his chair. He looked Wash in the eye and began to speak his words of wisdom, "Sometimes you have to tell others about your problems, let them in".

Rolling his eyes Wash said, "I don't have time for this".

"A burden lessened is a burden shared. You have plenty of people on this ship who can help but you have to let them in," Book suggested.

Once again Wash didn't reply he just turned back to the controls. Book threw Wash one last glance before turning to exit the bridge. He stopped at the doorway and gave a sad sigh before walking down the hall to the galley. Wash went back to staring at the black as he fiddled with the controls.

The ball flew through the air and bounced off the stairs. The players danced around trying to catch the stray ball as it ricocheted off the stairs to the other side of the cargo hold. Kaylee jumped in attempt to catch it as Jayne ran to intercept her. Book ran towards Kaylee to assist her while Wash blocked Mal and Zoë.

She gave up; there was no way of getting passed Jayne. Kaylee tossed the ball to Book who caught it expertly and ran to the other side of the hold. Zoë had gotten passed Wash and ran towards the Shepherd as he prepared to pass it to another member of his team. Kaylee waited for Book's next move as Wash continued to block Mal. That's when Book saw the opening and threw the ball towards Wash. Out of nowhere Jayne ran towards Wash and Mal as the ball flew their way. It took him all but a few steps to reach Wash as he jumped to intercept. Mal backed away as Wash jumped but Jayne didn't budge. Unlike Wash being almost twice as tall all he had to do was lift up his hands to catch the flying ball.

Before Wash even had a chance to catch it Jayne had the ball in his hands and started making his way towards Zoë. Wash lost his balance when he practically landed on Jayne. He reached out to grab one of the crates righting himself before sprinting towards him. He was furious now, anger blazed in his eyes as he rushed towards Jayne. It had taken a lot of sweet talk to get Wash to play hoop ball but after a little while, and a look from Kaylee, he caved; but right now the game was forgotten as he set out on revenge at the mercenary.

It wasn't just the fact that Jayne had caught the ball but the way he pushed him out of the way. But it wasn't just that, his pent up frustration had to come out some way and Jayne was the perfect target.

Mal stopped playing the moment he saw his pilot run towards the mercenary. He watched cautiously as Wash moved towards Jayne. Book and Zoë watched as Jayne ran to them followed by Wash. The look in Wash's eye concerned Zoë, she only caught a quick glimpsed of what had happened but one thing was for sure Wash wasn't playing anymore. Looking at Wash running at Jayne, Book remembered the last conversation he had with the pilot. The anger he heard in his voice before had seemed to manifest itself physically now. Kaylee remained oblivious but Mal's curiosity had gotten the better of him as he watched the two. Something was bound to happen that would shock them all.

Wash continued to advance on Jayne until he was right behind him. Anger blazed in his eyes as he tried to grab the ball from his hands. Jayne tried to push back but Wash was relentless. Jayne was angry now; he didn't like anyone getting on top of him especially someone half his size.

"Back off," he warned.

Jayne's warning didn't penetrate Wash's brain; he continued to push at him until he was face to face with the mercenary. Behind them the others had stopped playing eager to watch what Wash was going to do next. Kaylee was confused she had never seen Wash go off like this, it was like he just snapped. Mal knew what was going to happen before it happened. Harassing Jayne the way he was Wash was bound to get hit but Mal would be there to break up the impending fight if needed.

Jayne wanted out of this fight but Wash wouldn't have it. Wash grabbed at the ball in Jayne's hands but he turned away. Wash advanced on Jayne again and began to push him failing miserably when he realized he was still twice his size.

"What's gottin' into you Little Man," Jayne said as Wash continued to harass him.

That was the final straw, Wash lunged at Jayne grabbing him by the arm. As Wash's hand clamped down on his arm Jayne went with his first reaction. He brought his hands up and pushed Wash with all his strength. Wash flailed backwards until he lost his footing and fell to the floor, his shoulder connecting painfully with one of the many crates that littered the cargo bay.

"Jayne!" Mal warned as he witnessed the mercenary advance on the pilot writhing on the floor.

"He started it," Jayne shot back and regretted it when Zoë came up behind him.

Zoë gave Jayne a death glare before crouching on the floor next to Wash to check his injury. Wash held his right shoulder, his eyes squeezed tight against the pain. It was only a small comfort when Zoë laid her hand gently on his uninjured arm and propped his head in her lap.

Mal rolled his eyes while Jayne continued to plead his case before turning his head towards Kaylee. She stood in shock next to Shepherd Book at what she saw. She always knew Wash and Jayne never got along but she never expected Jayne to go that far…or Wash for that matter.

"Kaylee go get the doc," he ordered the young mechanic. When she hesitated he added lightly, "Go mei mei".

Kaylee was shaken from her revere and immediately ran out of the cargo hold towards the infirmary. Mal took a deep cleansing breath and kneeled next to the downed pilot as he continued to writhe on the floor. They waited until Kaylee walked back into the cargo hold with Simon in tow.

"Over there," Book pointed towards Wash,

"What do you need?" Kaylee asked trying to make herself useful.

"Open the infirmary," Simon told the mechanic.

As Kaylee left Simon walked over to Wash. Kneeling down he got a good look at Wash's injuries. Nothing series but a dislocated shoulder, would be healed in a couple of days.

"Doc?" Zoë asked stoically.

"Let's get him to the infirmary," Simon said.

"Shepherd," Mal motioned for him to help pick Wash up.

Book nodded and kneeled next to Mal. Together they heaved Wash off the ground and led him towards the infirmary with Simon and Zoe in tow. Jayne was left alone in the cargo hold thinking about what had happened. He was still confused why Wash would try to pick a fight with him. It started out to be an innocent game but… Jayne still didn't know. Putting the ball away he walked back to his bunk.

In the infirmary Mal and Book helped Wash onto the table while Simon rolled up his sleeves. He first turned to Kaylee to thank her for her assistance before turning to Wash. Mal and Book stepped back while Zoë walked up to her husband on the table and watched Simon like a hawk as he examined the pilot.

"I'm just goin' to…," Kaylee trailed off nervously pointing at the door as she watched Simon work. After a moment she slipped out of the infirmary unnoticed.

For the first time in days Wash seemed content as Simon examined him. His eyes were closed clearly asleep. It was like the minute he touched the table fell asleep. Zoë hovered over her husband in Simon's way as he tried to treat Wash. Noticing that she was in the way Mal spoke up.

"Zoë I need your help on the bridge. Need to check course," Mal ordered his first mate.

"What?" Zoë asked hesitant to leave her husband's side.

"He's okay Zoë," Simon tried to reassure Zoë but failed it was when Shepherd Book finally spoke for the first time Zoë was at ease.

"I'll stay and help Simon," he said and Zoë hesitantly walked out of the infirmary with Mal.

After Mal and Zoë walked out Book turned to Simon. "Is he okay son?" he asked the doctor who at first ignored him. Walking up to the man on the table he laid a hand on his uninjured shoulder then looked at the doctor expectantly.

"He'll be fine, I just need to relocate his shoulder," Simon informed the shepherd.

"Do you need some help?" Book asked.

"You could provide counter traction," at Book's confused look Simon explained, "I need you to get a sheet. I'm going to wrap it around him and you need to pull so I can pop his shoulder back into place," Book winced at how painful Simon's description sounded.

"I'm going to dope him first," Simon reassured him.

"I thought you gave him something already," Book said gazing at the sleeping pilot.

"No, he just fell asleep the minute he hit the table," Simon said remembering that Wash hadn't slept in days according to Zoë.

"It's a blessing he's finally getting some rest," Book commented.

"Yes I would assume so since he is piloting this ship," Simon replied sarcastically as he used the injecting device to administer a sedative to Wash.

Once the sedative took effect he wrapped a spare sheet around Wash's chest with an opening on the left side. He motioned for Book to stand on Wash's left side and tie the sheet around his back. Standing on Wash's right side Simon grabbed his arm and began to pull as Book braced himself against the sheet for counter traction. Simon kept pulling until a successful pop resounded in the quiet infirmary. Even sedated Wash flinched a bit when the joint was popped back into place.

Simon let go of Wash's arm satisfied the treatment had worked as Book slowly stopped pulling against the sheet. Simon examined the relocated shoulder and noted the normal swelling expected with the injury. He would give him an anti-inflammatory once he woke and another dose of pain medication but for now the best medicine for Wash was sleep. He had no doubt that Mal would fly the ship until Wash was fully back on his feet.

"I want to make sure he didn't injure anything else," Simon said then pushed up his shirt to examine his torso.

He didn't find any bruising to the pilot's chest but as he looked closer something caught his eye. Wash had what looked to be a healed surgical scar or laceration on his chest. That wasn't the only scar he had however. The closer he looked the more he found. One little white line that curved around Wash's ribs leading to his back alarmed Simon. He had a faint idea of what caused the scar but it was still a mystery for even him.

Simon carefully rolled Wash onto his side to get a closer look at his back. Book watched the doctor begin to examine the pilot's back and his confusion rose. He walked back up to the examination table and watched as Simon's peculiar look quickly turned into one of horror and disgust.

"What is it doctor?" Book asked a speechless Simon.

"Go get the captain," Simon told the shepherd.

"What is going on?" Book tried again.

"Get Mal and Zoë now," Simon repeated the look on his face leaving no reason for Book to disobey.

What he didn't want Book to know was the multiple white scars that crisscrossed Wash's back. He started putting the puzzle pieces to together now. He heard stories as a kid but never really believed them, not until he saw what was done to River.

Mal and Zoë sat on the bridge, Zoë a little less than calm. She was about to ask Mal a question when Book walked quickly into the bridge. He looked at both of them before walking up to Mal.

"What is it Shepherd?" Mal asked.

"You two better come to the infirmary," he said increasing Zoë's apprehension.

Sensing Zoë's worry he added, "Simon is asking for you".

Mal nodded and all three of them walked out of the bridge. He barely noticed Kaylee walk towards them as they made their way to the infirmary.

"How's Wash?" she asked.

"Not now Kaylee," Mal said waving dismissively at her.

Somewhat taken back Kaylee lowered her head before walking sulkily back to the engine room. When they reached the infirmary Simon looked up to stare at the captain. Zoë moved to the side of the bed looking at her husbands sleeping form before addressing the doctor.

"Is he ok?" she asked.

"Yes, just sedated. He has a dislocated shoulder but no other injuries that I can see," Simon told them.

"When can he fly?" Mal asked.

"He should be fine in a day or two," Simon answered.

"Well if he's only a little hurt why call us all in here," Mal asked.

"There's something you need to see…all of you," Simon said motioning for Mal and Zoë to stand next to him.

Mal walked up to the bed while Zoë helped Simon roll her husband on his side. Book walked up to stand next to Mal so he could get a better look at what Simon had found before. Mal and Zoë seemed confused at what they saw but something clicked with Book.

"See these," Simon pointed to the scars. "Their healed wounds probably from…"

Mal cut him off, "I know what caused them Doc".

"Run-tse duh fwotzoo," Book muttered.

Zoë just stood as silently as she always did staring at the scars angrily. Many things coursed through her head, one thing in particular: why would her husband have scars like this? The second question that jumped into her head was how she hadn't noticed the scars in the last five years they had been married.

"2732290 prisoner number 309, been a bad boy whipped for his troubles. Bad Hoban, bad boy. His plane goes bang, all around him goes black," River said from the doorway.

Mal nearly jumped out of his skin as River's soft angelic voice echoed throughout the silent room. He looked at her for a moment and everything snapped into place. For the first time River seemed to make sense to Mal.

"Doc stay with Wash," Mal ordered then walked out of the infirmary.

A moment later Zoë followed him giving River one last confused look as she walked past her. River turned to watch Zoë leave then turned back to watch the pilot sleep. When she looked at him she was overwhelmed with pain. Screams filled her ears and something else she was all too familiar with.

_It had been a good day. They had completed the job without injuries and now Zoë lay in bed with Wash in total bliss. Both of their bodies were covered with a layer of sweat, a result of making love for the past hour, and Wash wore that heavenly smile he always had after they had another night of erotic bliss. Wash and Zoë had been married for a little over two months now and they couldn't be happier._

_ It had been a small ceremony on the ship, the only guest being Bester. Mal had performed the ceremony grudgingly being the captain and all. Zoë never knew she would ever marry especially the eccentric mustached pilot she had not trusted when he first set foot on Serenity. After a few months on the ship Wash finally was able to win Zoë over and a few months after that he got down on one knee after a job. _

"_Wow!" Wash exclaimed breathing hard from exertion._

"_Yeah wow! That was…good," Zoë said blissfully. _

"_Good! That was….more than good," Wash was at a loss for words after the experience._

_ Wash lay on his stomach, Zoe on her back as they recovered before making out again. She rolled on her side to drape her arm on his back when she saw something new. As Wash closed his eyes in a dreamlike fashion she tried to get a better look._

"_Where did you get these?" She asked as she caressed the thin white lines on his back with her finger._

"_Childhood. Got hurt in one of the factories growing up," Wash said dismissively then changed the subject. "How 'bout another round?"_

_ The question was unanswered to Zoë's standards and would remain that way every time she asked. It was a question that would present itself many times in the course of their marriage and would remain a secret until Wash would decide when the right time for the answer was._

"Did you know if he was in the war?" Mal asked Zoë as they walked to the bridge.

"I don't know nothin' about him bein' in the war. He just told me he flew back then," Zoë told the captain.

"You know what side he's on?" Mal countered her comment with another question.

"My husband ain't Alliance. Never told me anything about the war," Zoë retorted angrily.

"Well let's find out," Mal said as they walked up the steps to the bridge.

He had heard stories after the war from Alliance Sympathizers about how the Independents camps were savage, of how the prisoners were tortured by the Browncoats after the war. He never believed any of them and it wasn't just because he was a Browncoat. No camp could be as bad as one of the Alliance camps survivors told horror stories about.

"I got that old war buddy maybe he could help," Mal said walking into the bridge.

They walked through and up to the console. Mal turned Wash's infamous chair so he could sit down. Once seated he looked up at Zoë standing in front of him and came to a decision.

"I'm goin' to give 'im a wave to see if he can look him up," Mal said and turned Wash's chair towards the console clicking on the Cortex halfway. He waited for the screen to appear then pushed in the right address. A second later they waited for the call to go through.

After a minute a face appeared on the screen. He was a dark haired man with a scraggly beard. His eyes danced around until they focused on his long lost friend. He gave Mal a small smile and a short laugh before he spoke.

"Malcolm Reynolds long time no see. I thought you was dead," the man greeted him.

"Not yet Lionel," Mal responded

"You gotta a job 'cause if you do count me out. Last time you got me shot," Lionel said sarcastically.

"I reckon that was your fault," Mal told the man, "I got some business for ya," he added.

"Yeah…?" Lionel sounded intrigued.

"I need you to look a soldier up," Mal told the man.

"Yeah just need the ID number," Lionel said.

Mal recalled the number River had said in the infirmary and repeated it in his head once. After he was sure he had it right he began reciting the information to the man on the screen.

"Number 9732290, it should be somewhere durin' the war," Mal said.

"Okay give me a sec. Hold on….hold on," Lionel said absently as he read something off the screen.

"Okay here. ID 9732290. Corporal Hoban Washburne, Independent Browncoat pilot. 82nd Airborne Combat Division," Lionel said.

Mal stood still as the information hit him while Zoë took a deep breath trying to digest the new information given about her husband. Letting out a sigh Mal was relieved to hear Wash had been on the same side. After a minute his gaze returned to the screen.

"What was his status at the end of the war?" he asked.

"Let me see, one sec," Lionel said then turned back to a computer off screen.

They waited for Lionel to come back on the screen. Deep down they already knew what Wash's status was but they needed closure. Zoë hadn't realized she was holding her breath until she let it out when Lionel's face reappeared on the screen.

"Shot down in 2508, Battle of Chang Valley. POW MIA. Looks like he was sent to Alcatraz Moon. Is that all?" Lionel said.

"Yeah that's all," Mal said softly before signing off.

They attempted to digest the additional information they learned on their pilot. Alcatraz was known during the war to be a torture camp and to imagine the kind pilot living at that hell hold for nearly three years. Zoë nodded sharply then left the bridge without a word.

_The battle below was fierce, one of the fiercest so far in the Unification War. The squad of fighter's flew in to provide what little cover fire they could for the Browncoat's. The battle had been raging for days and the war for three years. Even with the little victories the Browncoat's had they weren't faring well. Most of the time they got close to victory when the rug was swept from under them by the Alliance. The gorram Alliance who wanted to control the entire free 'Verse. They wouldn't have it not while they were alive. _

"_Son of a…," the pilot swore as he avoided yet another barrage of bullets from Alliance aircraft. _

_ Three of the five others that were with him had been shot down. Now he and the other two were all that stood between the Alliance and the Independents. He kept the Alliance fighter in his sights as he prepared to fire a missile when his entire plane shook violently._

"_Wo de ma! Anti-aircraft we have anti-aircraft!" he yelled into his comm._

_ Bullets he could dodge, missile's he could outrun but anti-aircraft was merciless. The shrapnel from the deadly blast could tear up a hull before the pilot could react but he was aiming to not let that happen. Once in his sights he fired the missile at the Alliance plane and watched as it burst into flames. He didn't have time to celebrate though; he banked right when another barrage of gunfire exploded around him. At first he thought there was a plane on his tail but it only took a moment to realize that the gunfire was coming from one of the Alliance ground rail guns. Probably from the same place the anti-aircraft came from. _

"_Washburne give us some cover fire, we're getting hammered out here," his comm. came to life._

_ "A little busy right now Ace," Corporal Hoban Washburne said as the Alliance aircraft on his tail finally opened fire. Wash began to panic when he realized that the aircraft wasn't alone but brought two of his buddies to play with him._

"_I got three zero's on my six closing in fast," Wash yelled frantically into his comm. then began the daunting task of staying alive._

_ Wash banked right then left to avoid more gunfire before putting his plane in a barrel roll with hopes of distracting the Alliance pilots. Though he was optimistic about his flying he got himself ready to issue a mayday if needed. Alliance pilots never played around but he had something up his sleeve. He yanked back hard on the yoke causing the plane to ascend rapidly then turned it sharply to the left. An inexperienced pilot would have passed out by changing the air pressure too rapidly but Wash had practiced the move several times in flight school. _

"_Mayday, mayday. I'm hit!" the voice of his wingman came over the comm. but Wash couldn't do anything to help. _

_ The voice came over the comm. once more before everything went silent. Wash knew without seeing for himself that Stark was dead. He had been shot down and Wash was next. He didn't know where Ace was but assumed he had met the same fate as Stark. But he couldn't dwell on it as the three on his tail were gaining on him, he didn't have any more tricks he could pull. He maneuvered some more and finally got one plane in front of him. His window of opportunity was limited so he had to act fast. Lining up the shot he slammed his finger down on the trigger, keeping it there until he saw the cockpit of the plane explode. One down, two to go he thought to himself. This wasn't going to be easy without back up. _

"_Ta mah de!" he swore as one of the planes opened fire on him._

_ Once again he banked left then turned sharply to the right avoiding most of the gunfire. One stray bullet glanced off his left wing but looking at the controls nothing seemed to be wrong except for a slight vibration in the yoke. He could live with it until he was able to get back to the airfield but right now he had other things to deal with. Like with the first one he was able to, with some miracle, get the second plane in front of him. He set up his sights again and pelted the plane with all he had. He didn't release the trigger until he saw the entire plane go up in flames. He had to be out of ammo by now, he wondered. _

_ He was about to work on taking care of the third one when his entire cockpit shook followed by a loud bang he swore made him deaf. Another loud bang resounded in the small cockpit and the yoke began to shake violently. His gauges began to shut down as smoke filled the cockpit. Choking on the smoke he tried to straighten the vessel out but it was too late. He felt himself losing altitude fast, the engines offline. He was a dead stick going down like a rock._

"_Ai ya! I'm hit! I'm going down! Bravo 6 to command mayday! Mayday!" he shouted into the radio frantically. _

_ It was no use the radio along with the other instruments was fried. With every instrument in the cockpit gone he was humped and was going down fast. He only had one more option left: bail. He lifted the lever beside his seat and waited for the cockpit door to fly off but nothing happened. It finally dawned on him that the eject sequence had been disabled with everything else. He was trapped in the burning cockpit. All he could do now was watch helplessly as the ground got closer. He made one more feeble attempt at balancing the yoke before he was thrown forward and everything went black. _

"I'll be right back," Book told Simon before exiting the infirmary leaving the doctor alone with his sister to watch Wash. Simon looked back at the pilot after the shepherd left in pity. As a doctor he knew that what ever caused the scars must have left great emotional pain in its wake. They weren't caused by something a person could just forget with time.

"So much pain. Snapping! Cracking! Bleeding! Oh God!" River shouted startling her brother.

"River," Simon walked up to the girl slowly and draped an arm around her shoulders.

"They're hurting him Simon. He's in so much pain," there was so much pain in her anguished voice.

"Who River?" Simon prompted.

"Hoban," she whispered.

River turned away from Simon to stare at Wash's sleeping form. Simon followed her eyes and began to look at the sleeping pilot, River's words beginning to make sense in his head as he began to imagine.

_When he woke pain exploded in his body. His chest felt like it was on fire and his head was pounding with a fierce intensity. For a split second he actually thought he had taken a bullet to the head but why would his chest hurt too. That's when it hit him, he had crashed. He tried to move to get out of the cockpit but every muscle in his body protested with the slightest movement. _

_ He wasn't a doctor but he knew he had broken ribs and a concussion, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Without going to a proper medical aid station he had no idea what other injuries he had but right now his first priority was finding a way out of the cockpit. _

_ If he crashed in a trench it meant someone would come and see if there were any survivors, he stood a good chance of rescue. In his concussed haze he thought he saw men running towards the down aircraft but wasn't too sure. It wasn't until the cockpit door was ripped off forcefully that he realized something was terribly wrong. One angry man wearing a blue uniform grabbed Wash by the shoulders forgetting about the harness and tried yanking him out of the cockpit. Wash screamed as the harness dug into his injured ribs. His prayers hadn't been answered, he hadn't landed in an Independent trench. He landed in an Alliance trench and to make matters worse angered the soldiers more when he killed three of their comrades in the crash. _

_ The one Alliance soldier kept pulling Wash out while another released the harness securing the pilot in the cockpit. Blackness began encroaching Wash's vision as the pain became overwhelming. Finally he slipped into a merciful oblivion as the soldiers dragged him away from the crash. What happened between being dragged from the crash and waking up in the POW camp was a mystery to Wash, all he knew was it would become the worst two and half years of his life._

Wash stirred on the bed and flinched, a small moan escaping his lips as he was caught in the thralls of another memory. He was tossed back in time made to relive the painful memories so long pushed away. Another image mixed in the dream, Niska's twisted face appeared before him. Torturing not only him, but every member of the crew as he watched. He heard Kaylee's frightful plea, Mal's cries of pain, and something that tore at his heart Zoë's last breath. The memory shifted again to something farther in the past and he awoke with a start.

"Zoë," he moaned his eyes shooting open to dart nervously around the room.

"Wash," Simon walked to stand next to the bed.

"Where's Zoë?" Wash asked weakly the drugs in his system causing his words to slur.

"She's with the captain," Simon informed his patient.

"You have a dislocated shoulder but you'll be fine in a day," Simon said when Wash winced as he moved his right arm.

"Oh that would explain the fiery agony," Wash's genuine humor began to leak to the surface amongst all the pain.

"I can give you another dose of painkiller. I also want to give you an anti-inflammatory to help with the swelling," Simon said.

"Yeah…whatever Doc. Just hold off on that painkiller 'kay," Wash told the doctor as he tried to sit up.

Simon lifted the head of the bed so he was eye to eye with Wash then set to immobilize Wash's arm in a sling. He opened one of the drawers to look for a sling only to find River standing in front of him holding it in her hand. He muttered thanks and took the proffered from River. She went back to staring at Wash making him feel a little uneasy as Simon put the sling's strap around his neck and carefully lifted his arm into it. Wash couldn't hold back the gasp of pain when his shoulder protested against the movement but once his arm was secure some of the pain seemed to dissipate.

"Doc?" a voice caught both Wash's and Simon's attention.

Simon turned and Wash looked towards the doorway to see Zoë watching Simon tend to her husband. She walked in and up to the foot of the bed to look into his eyes. Simon did one last check of Wash's arm then turned to his sister.

"Time to go," River said a small smile creeping onto her face as she walked out of the infirmary.

"I'll leave you two alone," Simon said then followed River out the door.

"Thanks Simon," Zoë acknowledged him.

It was rare Zoë had ever called Simon by his first name, she usually just referred him as doc. It was the first time Simon had ever heard her say it. To him it was finally a sign of trust among the crew. If he could be trusted by Zoë he could be trusted by anyone…well almost anyone.

"You're welcome," Simon said then exited the infirmary.

Once Simon left Zoë peered into the eyes of her husband and saw pain. Not the physical pain of his injury but something else entirely. She saw the same pain after she rescued him from Niska's godforsaken skyplex.

"I know you know," Wash told his wife, her usual expert poker face had fallen and was replaced with something all too rare with Zoë: caring.

"Why didn't you tell me Wash?" she asked almost hurt that he would hide something like this from his wife.

"Simple, I was ashamed," Wash admitted.

"Ashamed" Zoë almost choked out.

"I didn't fight back, they just took me," Wash said tears he tried to hold back threatening to spill over.

"Ain't nothin' to be ashamed of boa bei. You were shot down," Zoë said.

When Wash ducked his head Zoë leaned over the bed and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. He reciprocated, his head lifting up, and for the moment was in total bliss. They broke the kiss and she planted another loving kiss on his forehead before embracing him careful not to lean on his shoulder.

"I guess it's time to tell the crew," Wash declared a sad smile dancing on his lips.

"If you're ready?" Zoë prompted.

"As I'll ever be," Wash said and began to swing his legs off the bed.

Zoë put her arm around the left side of his back and helped him off the table. He staggered for a second as the effects of the sedative in his system hit. Wash put his left hand on the bed to steady himself and took a deep breath in attempt to center his equilibrium. Once his vision cleared a little and his mind a little less fuzzy he let Zoë lead him out of the infirmary.

Mal had stayed up in the bridge for a while longer than Zoë trying to take in the news he learned about his pilot. After leaving Serenity on autopilot he walked down the short hallway to the Mess. He was halfway there when he bumped into Inara along the way, a concerned look on her beautiful features.

"Mal, Kaylee told me Wash was hurt. What happened?" she asked him.

"Nothin' to worry about 'Nara, just hurt himself playin' hoop ball," Mal informed the companion but it didn't seem to put her at ease.

"Kaylee said he got into a fight with Jayne. That Jayne pushed him," Inara continued.

"It's nothin' to worry about 'Nara. Doc's patchin' him up now," Mal repeated.

"Mal…," Inara urged.

"There's goin' to be a meetin' in the Mess soon, you'll learn what's goin' on" Mal said.

"Is something wrong with Wash because he has seemed a bit off?" Inara said.

"Just learned some interesting information that's all. Did you know Wash flew in the war?" Mal asked.

Inara looked at Mal confused watching as he walked towards the Mess. She tried to put what he had told her together in her head but couldn't. Now she was determined to get to the bottom of this. Unsatisfied with his short answer she followed after him.

"Bizui Mal I know something is wrong, you can just tell me," she tried again with more force.

"Wash was shot down in the war, he was in a camp," Mal described and small gasp escaped Inara's mouth.

"Just be in the mess later," Mal added then walked away leaving Inara in the hallway to think about Mal's words.

Mal entered the Mess to find Wash and Zoë sitting at the table, Zoë's head resting on Wash's uninjured shoulder. Sensing someone else in the room Wash looked up and a second later Zoë. Mal slowly walked up to the table to stand next to the couple, silence engulfing them until Mal spoke.

"Wash," Mal began. "Think its time to tell the crew?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm ready," Wash said looking at his wife who looked at him in return and nodded.

Word had traveled as fast as usual on Serenity and everyone had gathered in the mess. Fifteen minutes had passed since Wash and Mal talked and Mal made the announcement to the crew about the meeting. After ten years Corporal Hoban Washburne was ready to speak.

Wash stood at end of the table flanked by Mal and Zoë. Kaylee sat across from Book, who sat next to Jayne. Inara sat in the chair nearest to Mal, the two end chairs left empty for he and Zoë. Simon sat next Kaylee his sister right beside him. Once everyone was accounted for Mal and Zoë took their seat and all banter stopped as Wash began to speak.

"Uh…hey," Wash said sheepishly.

"Hey Wash," Kaylee greeted in what she hoped to be as cheerful tone as possible.

"I assume all of you know by now," Wash began suddenly feeling very small amongst the group.

They looked at him expectantly and Wash took a deep breath before he launched himself into his life's story put away for so many years.

"I grew up on I think the most polluted planet in the 'Verse. Couldn't see a single star. Worked in the factories growing up but when I turned eighteen I wanted out. Said goodbye to my ma and caught the first transport outta there. Went to flight school. I planned on bein' a transport pilot planetside until I could find a good ship" Wash began.

"Like Serenity," Kaylee commented earning a slight glare from Mal.

Kaylee ducked her head and Wash smiled at her innocence before continuing.

"We did a lot of combat training but I figured it was in the standard training layout. I was the top of my class except for one, a liar that falsified his records…long story. Well I got done in two years and they had me to choose a path. I chose to enlist as a combat pilot for the Independents. I hated the "Lliance even then. I knew once they were put in power they would turn my home into an all-working planet…well more than it was. Hated what they stood for, all I wanted was freedom. I wanted to fly in a free sky," Wash took another deep breath before continuing.

"I was doing good for the first two years. Got shot down once in the beginning of he war, now that's a funny story. 2508 was a hard year for the Browncoat's. At the time we were being crushed, outnumbered. We got the deployment orders for the Battle of Chang Valley, thought it would be an easy victory. Our mission was to provide air support for the ground forces," Wash glanced at Mal and Zoe as memories of that horrible year came to their mind.

"So what happened?" Jayne asked before Wash could begin again.

"Jayne," Mal warned.

"Bizui!" Inara snapped surprising everyone even Wash.

Wash looked at her and blinked before speaking again.

"We were being hammered, half of the squad had already been shot down. It was me and two others left. The Alliance was relentless I couldn't hold 'em. All of a sudden the cockpit was on fire. Engines got shot out. I was falling tried to bail out but couldn't. Everything was fried. I remember seeing the ground but nothing much after that. I vaguely remember being ripped out of the cockpit but I can't be sure. 'Bout a day later, I think, I woke up on Alcatraz. Spent around two and half years there," Wash finished.

The crew looked at Wash a mixture of shock and pity on their faces. A gasp elicited from Kaylee's mouth as Inara stifled her own with a hand to her mouth. Jayne just continued to look at Wash with no emotion in his eyes. Simon just sat in silence and River drew knees up to her chest wrapping her arms around her legs. Book bowed his head in prayer his hands in his lap as silence descended upon all of them.

"What happened when you were there?" Mal asked regretting it immediately as Wash's eyes widened with fear.

Seeing her husbands distress Zoë grabbed his hand and held it protectively. He looked at her and smiled gratefully before speaking. "Mostly floggings, starvation. Sometimes they would just beat you. Alliance doctors tested on some prisoners. Medical procedures and such. Disease was a big problem, dysentery usually. Got it once or twice knocked me flat on my pigu," Wash explained.

If the description of how he got in the camp disturbed the table what he just told them left them horrified. Tears sprang in Kaylee's eyes that threatened to spill, anger flared in Zoë's stoic expression, and a deathly fury crept into Mal's own features. River's body shook with fear as memories of her own torture flooded her mind but she was comforted by Simon's arm as he draped it across her shoulders. Wash felt more than a little guilty seeing River's distress knowing that telling about the camp had brought back all the images of the Academy.

"Wu de ma," Book said shock evident in his tone.

"Ruttin' hell," Jayne said almost under his breath then a moment later he added, "Did they do them tests on you?".

"Jayne!" half the table yelled at his distasteful question.

"What?" he asked completely oblivious of his fault.

"You might want to shut that big mouth of yours," Mal glared at the mercenary.

Jayne grunted before getting up from the table for something to eat. He walked over to the counter and noisily began to fix himself a snack. Mal winced at the noise and closed his eyes in annoyance. He looked back at Wash and asked, "How did you get out?"

"Little while after the Battle of Serenity Valley, after the war ended, the Alliance just left Alcatraz. A few days later a small regiment of Browncoat's liberated the camp," Wash answered.

"What happened after that?" Inara spoke up.

"Worked freelance mostly until 2512 then I was hired here," Wash told her.

"I found ya, they said you had a lot of recommendations," Mal informed his pilot.

"Yeah I think it was one of my old flight school buddies," Wash smiled.

Silence filled the Mess again when everyone was at a loss for words. Mal's eyes danced around the table trying to see the reactions of his crew. For the most part they were all speechless save for Jayne who came walking back to the table, plunking into his chair with a bowl of protein in his hand. Mal did see something in the mercenary's eye though. There seemed to be some pity and shock hidden amongst the expressionless mask. Mal saw the same pity in his eye after the ordeal on Higgin's Moon but never again after that. The only sadness he saw in Jayne's face since that day was when Tracey's body was sitting in the middle of the cargo hold.

Wash looked around the table, into everyone's eyes, before turning to his wife sitting next to him. He smiled at her and sighed as he lowered his head, squeezing her hand for reassurance as tears began forming in his eyes.

"Well," Mal sighed. "Wash needs rest. And all you folks got work to be done," he ordered.

Heeding Mal's order everyone got up from the table to get back to work. Before going back to the engine room Kaylee walked up to Wash and looked at him with sad eyes.

"Oh Wash…," she said tears gleaming in her eyes.

"It's ok Kaylee," Wash replied before Kaylee pulled him into a hug.

Wash reciprocated hugging Kaylee tighter as tears threatened to fall from his own eyes. "Thank you," he muttered into her hair. She pulled away and just stood there for a moment looking into his eyes. He grabbed her face with both hands and planted a light kiss on her forehead.

Kaylee pulled away from Wash and said, "Better be gettin' back to work," her voice cracking slightly. As she walked away she looked back at Wash with those signature eyes. Those eyes that sparkled with life and filled him with warmth as he gazed into their depths.

Simon walked up to him next with his sister in tow. "Just come to the infirmary so I can give you some pain killers…I'm sorry," he was being awkward again but for some reason it settled Wash, to him it meant that he wasn't treated differently. Simon took one last look at Wash's shoulder then awkwardly stepped out of the way as River pushed through to stand in front of Wash.

"Alone before, no one to listen. Not anymore. Pains starting to fade. Scabs been ripped off…bandaid covers the wound," River declared as Wash cocked his head in confusion. Before he could respond she walked out of the mess with her brother leaving Wash confused but smiling.

Everyone had gone leaving Wash with Mal, Zoe, Inara, and Book. Book was the first to walk up to Wash and put a hand on his arm. His head lowered as he said a small blessing before looking back up at the pilot. Staring at the pilot brought the teachings of Shan Yu back to his mind. The same thoughts he had when he saw Simon caring for River's torture damaged mind. Wash wasn't insane but he had a lot of hidden pain that had been locked away for many years. Book's mind shifted from Shan Yu to what he had told Wash earlier and was contented to find that the pilot had finally taken his advice.

"Everything is going to be alright son," Book told Wash.

"Thanks Shepherd," Wash replied sincerely still somewhat embarrassed for his harsh words he had said earlier when the Shepherd was trying to help. "Sorry for earlier," he added.

"There's nothing to feel sorry about. You always have help. If you need to talk I'm here," Book advised him.

"Yeah I know," Wash said then Book smiled and turned to exit the mess.

Book left and Inara stepped forward still very unsure of what to say. She wasn't as close to Wash as some of the other crew but she had come to like the non-judgmental pilot ever since she came on board. Ever since she met him on the bridge when she first earned a job on Serenity he was never one to bring up prejudices of her given profession. In the past few years she had gotten to know the odd pilot better especially when he asked her for advice on marital problems in the mess. Standing in front of Wash now one thing came to her mind, something she had said to Simon after he and River booked passage on Serenity.

"You are not alone. Nobody is on Serenity," Inara said.

There was something in Inara's voice, that soft soothing tone that always seemed to put the most apprehensive mind at ease. Since she came on board Inara has been the voice on Serenity. She always knows what to say and when the crew found themselves at each other's throats she was able to end the fighting. She and Book always carried the voice of experience sharing knowledge and reaching out to those in need.

Inara looked over at Mal then Wash and Zoe before walking back to her shuttle. Wash was overwhelmed with exhaustion when all the stress of the past few days finally caught up with him. He sighed and carefully lowered himself in the chair next to him gasping when his right shoulder accidentally hit the back of the chair. Maybe now with everything said and done he would take up Simon's offer of those painkillers the doctor had talked about. He shut his eyes against the pain vaguely aware that Zoe and Mal were watching him but in all honesty he didn't care. What sounded great at this moment was going back to his bunk with Zoe and sleeping for the next two weeks.

Mal had watched Inara walk away before looking down at Wash whose eyes had slipped shut. He could see the man was clearly exhausted and in pain. like everyone else on the ship he knew Wash hadn't slept in the past week. Mal came to a decision looking at the couple and it was to leave them to their private time.

"I'll be leavin' you two," Mal said before departing for the bridge.

They watched the captain leave before Zoe leaned over to kiss Wash. He smiled back at her before slowly standing up from the chair. If his shoulder didn't hurt before it did now. The sedative and pain meds Simon had given to him earlier had officially worn off and the constant ache in his shoulder had returned.

"I think its time to visit Simon again. Those drugs sound mighty fine right now," Wash said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

"Then bed husband. What you need is a good sleep," Zoë said in a mock commanding tone.

"Yeah sounds like a plan," Wash said wrapping his left arm around Zoë's waist as they made their way to the infirmary.

Together they walked out of the mess an arm around each other. She would support him and give him all the compassion he needed during this dark time. Even after all the trials they had been put through in the past year, all the fights they had, their love would prevail. This was just another trial they would overcome.

"_You're in for a whuppin' boy," the guard said sadistically as he grabbed the prisoner by the back of his uniform. He dragged the unfortunate prisoner through the camp to the other side. Another guard came over to the pair and unzipped the prisoner's uniform pulling it down to expose his back and chest. The other guard that had joined them looked at his comrade and asked, "What did this one do?" _

_ "Washburne here decided not to do his work," the guard answered then pulled the whip from his belt. The second guard shoved Wash to his knees as the first one unwound his whip and cocked back his arm. There was a cracking sound followed by a scream Wash recognized as his own as the whip made contact with his exposed flesh. The first three lashes sent shards of white-hot agony coursing through his body. After that he seemed to go numb to the core. The pain was too intense to even hurt anymore. _

_ The guard drew the whip back one more time to end the sequence before laughing and walking away. Once the flogging was finished Wash collapsed to the ground gasping for air as the pain finally hit. His back was left raw and bleeding, even the slightest wisp of wind caused excruciating pain. This had been his second time to get whipped for his wrong doings in the past week. The recent flogging merely opened the previous wounds which he was surprised hadn't gotten infected by now. _

_ The prison guards considered it punishment but it will always, from now and to later, burn in Wash's mind as torture. Everyday they thought up a new idea for punishment to the POW's, sometimes they were more creative than others. One day in particular another Browncoat had gotten in trouble for nearly passing out in the heat. The guard decided to be different and decided it would be fun to put hot coals on his chest._

_ The guard grabbed his arm and pulled him off the ground. Wash's back arched in protest as the agony struck again when the wounds pulled against his skin. Against his will he cried out in pain as the guard practically dragged him back to his post. He grabbed the upper half of Wash's uniform that hung over his waist and covered his upper body back up. Slowly Wash put his arms back in the sleeves and zipped the stripped uniform. The guard pushed him causing more pain in his back and he walked as quickly as he could back to his work- station. Every step was torture as the fabric of the uniform began sticking to his bloody back. _

_ Times like these thoughts of his pollution- ridden planet came to mind. He missed his mother and his siblings. He even missed his psychotic flight instructor that scared him more than once during his training. Thoughts of his father and his untimely death also came to mind. He wasn't very close to him seeing how he was always working in the factories but he grieved. With his fathers death he became the man of the household, responsible to care for his mother and younger siblings. Thinking about his family sent pangs of guilt in his heart feeling like he had abandoned them. _

_ Even with how much he missed his family and how much pain he went through he had to survive. He had to live another day so that when he did get out of this hell hold he would tell the 'Verse about what the Alliance stood for. He knew that many years from now he would be able to tell his story in hopes of possibly bringing down the Alliance for good. _

Wash lay in bed with his wife dreaming once again of bad memories. He lay on his back with his right arm partially immobilized by the sling. His eyes fluttered beneath his eyelids as he began to wake. Beside him Zoe was sound asleep oblivious to her husbands distress, as his breathing increased and sweat poured down his face.

Wash woke with a start shooting up to a sitting position. Dizziness swept over him as he began to hyperventilate, his lungs heaving with every breath. The action woke his wife who sat up on her elbows to look at him concern etched in her features. He looked down at her his eyes wide as his breathing slowed down.

"Bao bei, you okay?" Zoë asked sleepily.

"Yeah Zoe go back to bed," he responded softly.

"No you aren't okay. Wash talk to me," she shot back lightly.

"Just a bad dream, memories," he admitted.

"From the camp?" she asked.

"Yeah but I'm okay," he lied.

"You have to talk to me," Zoë said and Wash went very quiet, "Why didn't you tell me before?" she added.

"I know you have scars and stories from the war too but I chose to keep mine secret because I didn't want the memories to come flooding back," Wash explained.

Zoë's heart broke hearing his words. She couldn't imagine anyone wanting to hurt someone like her husband. For the longest time on the ship she always saw him as being as innocent as Kaylee but now she saw he was a fighter too, a fighter in a different way.

"Maybe someday I will be able to tell you everything but right now I just want to sleep," he said thinking of the chest he kept hidden in their bunk containing all the memories of the war including his old Browncoat flight suit. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips before lying back down. He pushed the memories from his head and closed his eyes. For the first time since Tracey he slipped into a blissful sleep, dreaming of happy times had on Serenity.

_ She looked beautiful as she walked towards him. The white dress she wore flowing over her ravishing body. A rare sight to see but a smile danced across her lips. She reached him and turned facing her soon to be husband. Mal stood between him wearing his old brown coat from the war as he prepared to complete the ceremony. _

_ Wash looked into Zoë's eyes lovingly, it was the happiest day of his life. He couldn't imagine being with anyone else standing in front of Zoe. He smiled back at her and took her hand so the ceremony could begin. Mal began speaking the words for the ceremony as Wash went over his vows. It was finally time and they said their vows pledging their life to each other. Promising to love and cherish as long as they lived._

"_I pledge my life to thee. I promise to love, honor, and cherish for as long as we shall live," they declared together._

"_Do you Hoban Washburne take Zoe Alleyne to be your wife?" Mal asked._

"_I do," Wash replied taking Zoë's hand in his._

"_Do you Zoe Alleyne take Hoban Washburne to be your husband?" he asked again._

"_I do," she said._

_ "By the power and order given to me as Captain of Serenity I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss….," he trailed off and rolled his eyes as Wash and Zoe embraced kissing each other passionately. The sound of clapping resounded in the cargo hold as the over enthusiastic Bester cheered for his fellow crewmates. _

_ Wash and Zoe broke the kiss and he stared at her in awe. After many tries to date the woman in front of him and all their trials during the past year on the ship they were finally married. His past was forgotten when a realization hit him. Not only did he have a wife he had a family away from his home. He couldn't be happier. _

Epilogue

Wash sat on the bridge taking in the stars in front of him. Once again he got lost in the Black as they traveled to their next destination, next job. Four days had passed since he had told the crew his story of the war and Serenity had finally returned to normal. For the past four days the crew had walking on eggshells around him careful to not bring up anything about the war. Mal and Zoe stopped regaling the war stories around him. Kaylee had been her cheery self as usual but sadness was hidden deep in her soul. Book was there for him when he decided he needed a guide to talk to. Inara had been a bigger support than he realized. She sat down with him two days after the meeting and told him it was okay to show his emotions. Later that night he sat in his bunk with Zoe and cried. Always being the perfect doctor Simon talked to him about emotional support and healed his shoulder.

River had surprised him the most. She took him by the hand shortly after the meeting and in the days that followed leading him to the infirmary where she opened up to tell him they were like kindred spirits in some ways. She also told him repeatedly that he wasn't alone, that everyone on the ship had _found_ serenity in some way. Even Jayne had been supportive in his own way. Awkwardly he approached Wash a day later to offer his own unique rendition of an apology for pushing him in the cargo hold. Wash had also noticed that all the negative comments Jayne usually told him had ceased whether it was Mal doing or just Jayne's conscience it was a nice change.

"Wash," he turned his chair to face the captain as he walked up on the bridge.

"Hey Cap'n," Wash acknowledged.

"So how we doin'?" Mal asked.

"We're on course should be on Newhall in a day," Wash informed the captain.

"Actually I meant with you. Do I have my pilot?" Mal looked at him seriously.

"On the job Sir. I'm shiny. Sleeping again," Wash reassured Mal.

"Good need you attentive," Mal said in his best captainy voice.

They sat in silence for a moment as Wash busied himself with the console checking one of the controls that had been checked already. The silence continued to permeate throughout the bridge until Mal spoke.

"You have an impressive temper Wash," Mal broke the silence with small talk.

"Yeah sorry 'bout that," Wash said somewhat embarrassed for his actions during the past week.

"Next time don't bring Kaylee into it," Mal ordered the pilot.

"I didn't want to. The last thing I wanted was to yell at Kaylee and I'm sorry for that," Wash said.

"And Jayne…?" Mal brought up.

"Jayne…well Jayne I meant to get mad at. He had it coming," Wash told him. After a moment he added, "I have to admit though, picking a fight with Jayne was not one of my finer moments".

At his comment Mal began to laugh unable to control himself. His laugh was contagious and a few seconds later Wash found himself laughing along with him. It was something he rarely saw the captain do but right now he didn't care. He was finally feeling like himself again.

Mal was nearly doubled over in laughter by the time he stopped. He looked at Wash as he continued to laugh in his chair his eyes watering from the infectious laughter. He was often annoyed by the pilot's odd behavior but he was happy to see his personality had returned. That personality that always lit up the crew in dark times. He was the rock that grounded them all, the glue that held them together. Without him his ship would not only fly but he would have a lost crew.

It took a few minutes for both of them to recover from the random bout of laughter but when they did it went back to exactly the way it always was when Mal was on the bridge. Laughing with Mal brought back memories for Wash, not the ones coursing through his mind for the past couple weeks but memories of being on the ship. He saw himself sitting at the table with Zoe laughing and smiling at another story from Book. Sitting on the bridge laughing hysterically with Mal, Zoe, and Jayne after Mal had informed them of his joke on Simon.

"Well…," Mal began once he regained his wits. "Chow's at 0600," he said then left the bridge.

Wash turned his chair back to the black as Mal left. He was left alone in his thoughts again. He ran his hand over the dinosaurs on the console as he pondered his life. It was the start of a brand new era on Serenity. His mind was finally at ease after so many years of keeping the secret. _You have plenty of people on this ship who can help you_, Books words from four days ago came to mind. It made him realize something but it was what Inara had said that got him thinking. _You are not alone. Nobody is on Serenity, _at the time he perceived them as just kindness but now the words had taken up an all-new meaning. How he didn't see it before was a mystery but after everything he had been through in the past few days he realized something: he _wasn't_ alone. He had friends. He had a family.

**Translations (in order of appearance)**

**Mei mei: Little sister**

**Run-tse duh fwotzoo: Merciless Buddha…**

**Wo de ma: Mother of God**

**Ta ma de: Dammit **

**Aiya: Damn**

**Bao Bei: Sweetheart **

**Bizui: Shut up**

**Pigu: Butt**

**Disclaimer: Firefly is the property of Joss Whedon. I own Lionel, that's all. **


End file.
